While I don’t usually like to label my experiences (see here), I have to admit that 2012 has been a tough one for me so far. I’m juggling two careers. It sucks sometimes. I feel that I can’t do as good of a job I want at each because there’s not enough time for both. I feel this way, despite the collection of collages I’ve created for my first show (my first show!). I love these collages. And I feel this way despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that, by the end May, I will have hired 14 employees in three months for my startup client.
Yes, I know I’m hard on myself. When I am stressed and overwhelmed, I look at all my small slipups instead of the larger successes. Yes, I’m working on this. (And no, no amount of other people telling me I’m awesome helps. I’m too old to be part of Gen Y and this kind of ego stroking annoys, rather than reassures, me.)
Zora Neale Hurston, one of my favorite authors, has a quote that I love: “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” This is a year that’s asking me a lot of questions. It’s asking me where I’m going with my art, where I want to live (and how I’ll support myself if I do move), if I want to continue to juggle art and consulting, what kind of life I envision for myself in the longer term. Honestly, these are tough questions – not so much in figuring out the answers, but in having the courage to live them.
Ah, courage. I must remember that I already know how to live bravely.