There are bad weeks and there are *bad* weeks. This week was one of the latter. My job fell through, Jake has to see the vet because he’s becoming incontinent (I’d just thought he was naughty), and California says I owe sales taxes from 2004 (this despite having been told five years ago – by this same agency – that I owed nothing and didn’t have to file). So I did the least uplifting thing possible. I went for a walk in the park.
In the rain.
Wearing short jeans and gold flats and no raincoat.
Of course, my feet got wet and my glasses fogged up. I don’t know what I was thinking. Perhaps I hoped I would have a grand revelation about what I’m supposed to do next (I didn’t). Maybe I thought that being cold and wet would make me feel better about feeling broke (it didn’t).
I realized, though, that I haven’t chosen an easy path for myself. I could have done the safe thing and had a corporate career, but I didn’t. I instead chose to do my own thing, find work that interests and challenges me, pull out of situations that conflict with my sense of integrity, live simply and creatively.
So, yes, sometimes I want to cry because life hasn’t always worked out the way I’d hoped. And sometimes I want to dance (albeit badly) because my life can be filled with so much joy.
Sorry, no grand revelations in this long post. Life is, so often, just life – amazing and abundant and joyous and banal and drab and frustrating. Life is just life.